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6564) When I make attempts to recover I feel really good; totally energized, funny, I have loads of ideas and feel pretty good about myself. But even if I don´t gain weight and practically nothing changes but the fact that I eat more and am less depressed. I can never keep it up and I have no idea why. It´s like I step into heaven and realize it´s not for me so I retreat back into hell without anyone forcing me but myself.
Confidence is being able to say “Fuck you, I’m the shit” without opening your mouth, say it with your walk, with your smile, say it with your entire being. – Tati-Ana Mercedes (via strawberrytelle)
I destroyed my body for a peace of mind I never got. – Unknown (via contentum)
No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though.
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.
Clementine von Radics
(via firemxtt)

I need help – the three hardest words for people with mental illnesses (via guuey)
You’re better than me. I get it.

November 1st

I really miss you; we need to hang out a lot more.
We used to be so close.

November 23rd

Seeing you today made me happy.
I can’t believe we drifted off.
I am so glad we’re close again.

December 31st

I couldn’t go to the party tonight I’m grounded.
Sorry! I’ll see you tomorrow though.
I need to talk to you.

January 1st

I’ve texted you about 100 times today,
You haven’t answered any of them.
I’m scared. I hope it isn’t true.

January 8th

Today they pulled us into the gym.
They told us all what happened.
They told us the counselors would be open.

January 26th

I saw your mom today.
We didn’t even say a word, we couldn’t.
I gave her your favorite flowers, pink peonies.
We cried for hours.

February 8th

Your funeral was sad.
The entire school showed up.
Yes even the ones who were mean to you.
I couldn’t talk at the stand, I just cried.

March 29th

I haven’t written in a while.
I don’t know what to say anymore.
Some mornings I can’t get out of bed.

April 12th

I never got the chance to tell you I loved you.
I mean loved you, loved you. Now you’ll never know.

April 30th

I sit by your grave for a few hours everyday.
The doctors tell me it’s not healthy, I tell them I don’t care.

May 2nd

I still love you and it worries me because
I’ll never love anyone the way I love you.

May 5th

I’m scared because I’m starting to forget
The sound of your voice and
The way your eyes shine in the sunlight
And the warmth of your hugs

May 18th

I’m sorry I wasn’t there that night.
It should have never happened.
I was always supposed to be there for you.

June 16th

I haven’t had a sip of alcohol since the accident.
It’s not fair he lived and you didn’t.
The police said he was drunk. It’s not fair you died.

June 19th

It’s getting bad, I need you here.

July 9th

I still love you.

July 21st

I’m coming to see what it’s like over where you are.
I’ll see you soon.

– this scared me (via madi—sun)


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